Collection 005: Bottled water

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Seriously random shit

This all started when I first moved to Fitzroy; I was incredibly delighted to be moving into my very first non-student-type apartment! Being predictably Asian, I decided to introduce the principles of good feng sui into the flat. “Water is an ancient feng shui symbol of wealth and prosperity,” declared the ancient sage Mr Wikipedia. And being predictably designery, I decided that I would have a designer water bottle collection in my bedroom as a “water feature”. (I found out later that you are NOT meant to have any water features in the bedroom and that only RUNNING water is considered a positive addition to the room).

But I proceeded nonetheless. With grand dreams of becoming wealthy and prosperous, I lay down my aesthetic parameters for the items that would go into the collection:

  1. They had to be unopened.
  2. The packaging had to look like they were designed by someone who actually went to design school.
  3. No flavoured waters because coloured liquid would disrupt the homogeneity of the collection.

But as I spent hours perusing the fridge section of overly-priced gourmet grocers and health food stores across Melbourne, I found that the many marketing gimmicks that water bottling companies employed were far more interesting than groovy labels with slick typography. “35 times more oxygen than normal water!” I’m no scientist, but a chemical compound with 2 molecules of hydrogen and THIRTY FIVE molecules of oxygen sounds like it would more likely give you a hell of a lot of hiccups rather than improve your health!

So much for good feng sui… bring on the marketing bollox!


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